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Health & Fitness

Why Would Someone Consider Adoption?

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. –Oprah Winfrey

Most people assume that the main reason for adoption is not being able to conceive your own child. The truth is that there are many more reasons than that and some of the reasons would surprise you. In fact, in one breakdown by the National Survey of Adoptive Parents, only 52% of those adopting for privately were for infertility reasons.  http://www.statisticbrain.com/adoption-statistics/

I once taught a class on preparing for adoption in Russia. I was amazed to note that every couple in the class had a different reason for adopting a child. For one couple they said it was indeed childlessness. For another couple, however, they said it was because they couldn’t have another child and wanted their first to have a sibling. One couple told us that they had fallen head over heels in love with a child they had seen in an adoption newsletter by coincidence, not request. One family felt a spiritual desire to help a child in need and another felt that the world was already crowded enough and wanted to give love to a child that was already here.

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Yet, not all reasons for adoption are altruistic or essential personally.  Not every couple adopts for the right reason.  No one knows where someone’s heart is but the answers I’ve heard would astound you. I’ve known of couples who felt that they needed to adopt a child to fill a void in a loveless marriage (I call this the “fixer-upper syndrome” – bad foundation but wow what a paint job!). I’ve heard of women who adopt because they don’t want changes to their body (Pretty sure that may happen with age anyway) and those who adopt a particular ethnicity because they value the preconceived skills they think the child will obtain (a future basketball hero or mathematician, if you can imagine). The saddest, by far, was the woman who told us she wanted to adopt to secure a future financial windfall in a failing marriage in the form of child support.

Adoption is an invasive procedure. It's not for someone who just wants a child for frivolous reasons. In our agency, as with most, you will be asked questions about your past all the way back to your 18th birthday. Your home will be evaluated, your family relationships, your income and taxes and most of all, your motivation to adopt. While going through this many individuals are also juggling the emotional rollercoaster of whatever brought them to adoption in the first place so it’s important to know how you really feel.

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Here's my adoption tip:  I do hope you will consider adoption but before you decide to pursue it, check your motives. Be aware of your reasons (and check your spouse’s also, if married). Ask yourself the following questions:


  1. Is adding a child to my home a good option for me and the child at this point in my life?
  2. Are my reasons sound and easy to consider long term?
  3. Do I understand this is not about getting a baby, it's about raising a child and that this means many years of parenting and sometimes frustration?
  4. Have I taken everyone in my home into consideration? (Do you have other children? Does mom live with you? Do you have a long term guest?)
  5. Have I grieved for whatever opportunity I have lost by not adding to my family biologically? (This is more important than you realize if you are infertile or your spouse is.)
Your answers are an important part of the picture in adoption. Whatever your reasons for adopting, make these questions part of the evaluation and use them as checkpoints as you proceed.  Adoption is a wonderful thing but it should be that way for everyone involved.

Dee Shihady is the mother of 6, grandmother of 6, past foster parent, and Executive Director of Crystal Adoptions located in Suwanee. She works with parents and pregnant women nationally to create loving and long-lasting relationships for each child. If you are considering adoption please call or text  (770) 354-2376 and/or visit her website at http://CrystalAdoptions.com



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